Diary of a Mad Week- Monday

Mon May 19, 1:00 pm- So begins the practice journey into me solo-ing this whole kid thing. Today is just a dress rehearsal; Linda is going to a graduation party for her brother. I have to do the lunch for Grace, the 2:00 pickup of Liv, the 2:30 drop-off at speech, the 45 minute entertainment of Grace, the 3:15 pick up and the scramble for the 3:35 pick up of the boys. Then it's on to dinner, baths and homework and bed before 'da boss' gets home, hopefully before 11.

Optimism and cockiness permeate my being, I can DO this. I have one day of work tomorrow, then she leaves on Wed at noon and I'm ALONE Wed-Sun night, with just myself and 4 of the kids. Aly, the oldest, is going with her mother and her grandmother to Chicago.

What did Linda tell me? Stay off the computer and stay focused, but this is going to be too good to NOT document. Either complete and utter victory or abject failure...it'll be a compelling story either way...so stay tuned...

4:15pm- So far so good. Caught a break when Grace fell asleep on the way to speech (normally her patience level is that of Veruca Salt from Willie Wonka, so I dodged a bullet). Didn't get a break finding that my patented underwear under diaper combo wasn't on Liv; had to run back to the car. Hard to look 'manly' in front of construction workers running into speech with a diaper...oh well...Timing perfect getting boys. The kid is GOOD!

6 pm- Amazing how a turn of events can turn events quickly against you. Kinda like a Spielberg movie where the seemingly inconsequential details come together to create HAVOC. Mine were a slow draining tub and watermelon. Livie LOVES watermelon, I had watermlon in the fridge. Perfect desert. Hey, now I'm sailing way ahead of schedule and get Liv into the tub. Liv's happily splashing away in the tub and Grace decides to join her. Suddenly, without warning, as if the staff of Moses was placed into the Nile, the water turns...no not red. Out comes Liv, onto the toilet, Grace, wandering the hall naked, proclaiming the news.

OK, nothing I haven't handled a dozen times before, I send Liv into the living room and, noticing that the tub is draining much too slow for my liking, decide NOW is a good time to try and speed it up. Find the plunger, try to work magic...nuthin'. OK, fair enough, abandon side project and get to sterilizing tub. As always in the movies, there is another twist..."DAAAAAAD! Livie's pooped on the couch and it's EVERYWHERE!" You parents must know the feeling when you become numb to the situation and just put you head down and get to work? I almost went whipping right past that straight to nervous breakdown. Got out the trusty Bissel Little Green Machine, switched it on and...no suction. Eye twitches...investigate and find that the Green Machine is clogged. With what? You don't want to know and I don't want to remember. Got it running finally. Proceed to the couch...

7:15- The hour that would have grossed John Carpenter out is finally over. We have our own 'Oscars' in the house, represented by the Sesame St. Grouch, given for grossest moments in our history. While none of the 3 were the worst in and of themselves (although the couch EASILY cracked the top 20), the combination of events has earned the hours of 6:15 to 7:15 an Academy of Motion Sickness award for nastiest continuous cleanup job...