Who's Regressed First?

I challenged myself on one of the autism boards to write the famous Abbott and Costello routine 'Who's on First' written in the subject matter of the autism/thimeresol/vaccine argument. I didn't even come close to the comic genius that they had, but I feel, if they were around, they could find some humor in the arguments that some give as far as autism causations. I couldn't waste this posting it on a 'board' in any event.

Now, I don't want any folks memorizing this and using it as a verbal stim to calm down but, here it goes:

You got a cause for autism?
Yea it’s vaccines.
Which ones?
All of them.
What part of the vaccines specifically causes the autism?
It’s complicated…
Can you give me an overview?
Ok, it’s the thimersol.
But, thimersol has been removed from vaccines.
Not ALL vaccines, it’s still in flu and there are trace amounts in others.
Wait wait, you told me that the increase in autism is due to the vaccines, right?
Right.
And that thimersol is a prime ingredient causing it right?
Right.
So if we took 99% of it out of vaccines, we would have seen a noticeable DECREASE in autism 3 years later when we took it out, right?
WRONG. We have to have it ALL out or we’ll still have these high rates.
But not all kids even GET flu vaccines, and the trace amounts of thimersol still in there means that, these kids are not even getting 1% of the exposure they did 10 years ago, yet the numbers continue to go up.
Yup, it’s because of the 1% is still in there
Hmmmph…OK let’s try a different angle, do you have evidence to support your theory?
Yup, sure do.
OK, what kind of evidence?
Testimonials.
Wait, testimonials? That’s not evidence,. That’s a reason to investigate with scientific studies.
What? You don’t trust the parents?
I trust them, but that’s not evidence, have they done any studies?
Yes.
And what did they find?
That vaccines do not have a causal relationship with autism.
So that means that this ‘epidemic’ is not caused by vaccines.
No, it doesn’t.
Huh? You just said that they have done studies and they have found no causal relationship between autism and vaccines.
Yes, but that doesn’t mean that the epidemic is not caused by vaccines.
Why?
Because of the testimonials.
But testimonials are not evidence, the studies are.
No they’re not.
Why?
Because they’re tainted.
Tainted? How are the studies tainted?
Because the government and pharma don’t want the truth to come out.
Government and phar….who told you about this?
No one told us, we just know.
How do you know?
Because of the testimonials.
But the testimonials are not evidence.
Ah Ah ah…trust the PARENTS
Ok, so, what OTHER things in vaccines are a problem?
Live viruses.
Live viruses? Isn’t that what make us immune?
Yup, but it also gets lodged in the gut.
In the gut?
Yea, then it passes through the blood/brain barrier.
Blood brain barrier, and then it causes autism?
Autism and all kinds of nasty things.
And the thimersol makes it worse?
Yea, they both make a mess of the brain .
And the evidence you have is?
The testimonials…
But testimonials are not…
Uh uhhh…TRUST THE PARENTS.
Wait, I heard about this virus connection..it was ALSO disproven in some studies.
Studies performed and/or financed by?
The government and/or pharma…
Ahh…can’t be trusted
You got scientists on your side?
Yea, we got scientists.
Good scientists?
Yea, the best…
And they do research?
Yup…
And what do other scientists say about their research?
They don’t like it.
And why don’t they like it?
It’s complicated, but in short, all those other scientists are bought out , stupid and do not have vision.
Bought out, by who?
Big Pharma?
Stupid?
Yea, they don’t understand the vision.
The vision?
The vision of the testimonials.
But the testimonials are not…
Ah ahh, TRUST THE PARENTS!
OK now I got it, all of the parents create the evidence, all the scientists are bought out by the government, all the evidence backing the vaccine causation theory have been quashed and everyone’s a liar except for?
DAN!
DAN!? Who’s he?
He’s our shortstop…


And for the insprational non-sequitor, a poem by William Ross Wallace:

The Hand That Rocks The CradleIs The Hand That Rules The World

Blessings on the hand of women!
Angels guard its strength and grace,
In the palace, cottage, hovel,
Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy's the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother's first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow--
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky--
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle


Is the hand that rules the world.