Sunday, February 14, 2010

Septuple Jeopardy

It is a rare occurrence that you get the whole fam damily out the house all at once for any reason. Since there was going to be a family gathering of a complete nature, well, of a NJ complete nature anyway, since is just about 1/2 of my immediate family is in TX. So we commit to getting emptied on inhabitants before noon on a Sunday. OK, fine! For all those with logistical military training, that's not that big of a deal; but for the rest of us, this ranks just below family pictures in rank of difficulty. 7 humanoids bathed and reasonably dressed...check. 7 hours worth of supplies of the keep-the-girls-from-reducing-brother's-house-to-smoldering-mess caliper....check. 7 people, 7 backs, 7 nerves left packed into a mini-van...check.

Sidebar: Minivans ARE aptly named. I remember my dad's 1969 Townsman; nine passengers MEANT 9 passengers. 3 on the front bench seat; 3 in the middle; 3 in the trunk seat facing the guy behind you (free to be as vulgar to them as long as dad didn't catch it in the rearview). Yea, having the youngest in the middle seat of the front was an inconvenience. But no 'child safety seats' and this thing was as wide as a Mini Cooper is long. In fact, if you hit a mini in this thing, you'd curse the road crews for not fixing that pot hole. The 'mini' van, however claims 7 passengers; yea 7 passengers that make Paris Hilton look like Oprah Winfrey 6 months after pissing off her dietitian. 2 seats in the front; 2 in the middle and room for 3 (MMHMM) in the back.

Sorry, I digressed. We were due out of the house for a flawless execution at 11:45. Unless the house was riding on it, that's not going to happen. I'm shooting for more like 12:30...12:50...OK, I settle for before 1PM. The argument for the middle seat is settled (one boy gets the pain on the way there, one on the way back); the seatbelts have been properly stationed (I missed Liv's booster seat, more on that later); we're off an running for or 75 minute tightrope walk. I things go badly of course I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND.

The route to my brothers house has two distinct and equal paths; the turning point marked by a divided highway on Route 287; I choose the '78' route. 50/50 shot...better than's a Sunday for ------'s sake. I bet wrong, there was a 'jaws-of-life' serious accident on the side I chose. tack another 15 minutes onto the journey. We're almost 1/2 hour late. Fortunately the fam has been very understanding on this whole venture and has not had anything planned around all arriving within a 90 minute timeframe, so we are welcomed with open arms.

The day goes off without a hitch; no major appliances destroyed; no holes in the walls; no bathroom accidents anywhere but the bathroom. It's a challenge keeping up with the girls, and there's not a lot of time for schmoozing; but everyone appeared to have a wonderful time outside of the normal life. But the journey home still looms.

It's a lot easier getting everyone back in the car; just don't forget anything (Jason went back in to the house to get his DS and Gracie's 'pink game' was missing for a stressful 2 minutes). Jason was NOT happy that he now had the middle seat; and Linda discovered that the booster seat was in the trunk. I got out, opened the trunk, and got Livie scrunged into it...everyone had to give up that extra 6 inches in the back seat, so SUCK IT IN. Jason's mood went from sour to downright toxic and as a result hee was losing things left and right. "DAAaaAD, I lost something under the seat. Out of the driver's seat, over to the sliding door, on my knees..."What'dya lose?" "My Bakugon ball!" (5 seconds later) "We'll find it when we get home (slam)". I'm getting on the road before the tires go missing. 2 blocks later "DAAaaaAAD! I lost my drink!" 1/2 block later, I realize that it's either get the danged drink or spend a couple of hundred dollars to get a detailer to get the blood off the seats, so i slam on the brakes and dig to get the little 8 oz water that slid under his feet.

At last, peace and quiet for on a treacherous 45 mph winding Jersey road with the potential of black much more relaxing; the guy tailgating me the whole way, but a minor bit of sand in my shoe in comparison. Nice and quiet...better yet, no child falling asleep in the car an hour early. We're back in our home, back in our element.

1 comment:

Is Autism Treatable? said...

It's always a good thing when family can get together for the sake of seeing each other.

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