Friday, January 04, 2008

2008...The Year of Sleep Deprivation

If you have read some of my previous posts, you know that sleep rates pretty high on that 'hierarchy of needs' scale for me and my wife. Not quite as high up as say breathing or even eating, but I'd say it rates in the top 5 or 10. So, even the loss of a petty 90 minutes of extra sleep during the week can be downright mood and schedule altering.

So far Liv has had this perfect 4:30 alarm clock every morning this year. Depending on who's REM-ing at the time, the other leaps up to get Liv before she starts yelling, banging on the door, or turning on the lights to wake her much more sound sleeping sister in the same room. We have a prescription drug called Clonidine that we use in the event that Liv gets up in the middle of the night and we need to calm her back down. Unfortunately 4:30 is early morning, not middle of the night, if we give it to her after say 3:30, we have an immovable object when we try to get her up at 7. So into the bed she comes with us, and so far, she's only gotten back to sleep once.

Today, we threw a mind altering curve into this mix. Again, she was up at 4:30, settle her into our bed, then just after 5, over the monitor we hear BEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEP. Me being the more alert of the two go running into the room. They have a Dora alarm clock, which has NEVER been used as an alarm. I pick it up and begin randomly moving levers and pushing buttons. "Hi, I'm Dora, it's time to wake up." the voice mocks me. After hitting that button twice, I get the hint. Hit another button, the sleep radio goes on. Dazed, semi-conscious I think of the options. Throw out window... no too cold out. Smash against wall... no I'm not good at spackling. Just then, Supermom comes busting in and evaluates the situation; in a fraction of a yawn, she yanks at the cord out from behind the dresser until the plug finally comes out of the wall. My hero! Except, still the BEEEP BEEP goes on. Under the bed we find the portable single AA battery operated clock, that appears to use air horn technology. Staring at the ultimate victory, I begin to turn over the clock to turn the alarm off Kinda like being stuck in an hour long traffic jam and not even getting to SEE the accident, I didn't even get a chance to silence my oppressor, all this occurred within the minute that the alarm eventually turns off.

Through it all, Grace does not budge. We wander out of the room like fireman after a midnight false alarm. Back into our bedroom where Livie is now sure it is time to get up, and we collapse. Insane cackling is ringing inside my head along with the echo of the beeep beep in my head. Luckily, we brought the little portable alarm clock in with us to our bedroom because inexplicably, 20 minutes later.. BEEEP BEEP Beep. Haha, hehe hee hoho! I do not achieve sleep again until some 30 seconds before my REAL alarm goes off at 6:00 AM.

How do you call in sick from life?


Casdok said...

I know 4 am well! :(


And now, we have the best sleeping weekend in months! We split the two days, one sleeps and one gets up with the girls, and neither of us had to get up before 7:30.

So this is what consciousness is like. As my good buddy Robin Williams would say "reality, what a concept!"

eatmisery said...

I don't know too many Liv's other than my daughter. We, too, spell it Livie.